Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Wisdom of the Tao Te Ching as it applies to barroom discourse

One of my hobbies is reading religious texts. A Bible, Book of Mormon, Qu’ran, Tao Te Ching, Bhagavad-Gita and excerpts from the Talmud share space on my book shelf.

I find them interesting (except the genealogies, hate genealogies) and think it helps me to understand people’s background better.

More than anything else, it provides me with little tidbits of knowledge that I can use at inappropriate times. My personal favorite is the Tao Te Ching because it’s short, eschews unnecessary exposition and nobody at Willoughby Brewing Company is familiar enough with it to call me on a misquote.

And it doesn’t take years of study or a minor in Eastern religions to sprinkle your bar talk with ancient wisdom. No, all you need is this blog.

For example, ladies, if some attractive man lays on the flattery and tries to get your number, tell him, “Sincere words are not beautiful. Beautiful words are not sincere.” Then, suggest he buy you a drink.

(This also works if the guy is hunchbacked with a lazy eye but it might be misconstrued as flirting.)

Contrarily, if your friend is hammered and needs to sober up, say, “Nothing under heaven is softer or weaker than water, and yet nothing is better.” Then, swap his Gin & Tonic with tap water. If you wedge a lime on the end of the glass, he may not notice the switch.

If your drunk friend doesn’t know how to get home, tell him, “Undertake difficult tasks by approaching what is easy in them. Do great deeds by focusing on their minute aspects.” Then, take his freakin’ keys and call him a cab.

Finally, if some full-time jerk/part-time bodybuilder picks a fight with you, say, “Act through nonaction. Handle affairs through noninterference. Taste what has no taste.”

Then, while Enormo is trying to understand the rhetoric, pay your tab and get out of there.

-Jason Lea, JLea@News-Herald.com

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2 Comments:

Blogger sfauthor said...

Nice posting. Do you know about this edition of the Gita?

http://www.YogaVidya.com/gita.html

February 18, 2009 at 10:43 PM 
Blogger Kyle said...

Matthew 1
The Genealogy of Jesus
1A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the son of David, the son of Abraham:
2Abraham was the father of Isaac,
Isaac the father of Jacob,
Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers,
3Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar,
Perez the father of Hezron,
Hezron the father of Ram,
4Ram the father of Amminadab,
Amminadab the father of Nahshon,
Nahshon the father of Salmon,
5Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
6and Jesse the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife,
7Solomon the father of Rehoboam,
Rehoboam the father of Abijah,
Abijah the father of Asa,
8Asa the father of Jehoshaphat,
Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram,
Jehoram the father of Uzziah,
9Uzziah the father of Jotham,
Jotham the father of Ahaz,
Ahaz the father of Hezekiah,
10Hezekiah the father of Manasseh,
Manasseh the father of Amon,
Amon the father of Josiah,
11and Josiah the father of Jeconiah[a] and his brothers at the time of the exile to Babylon.
12After the exile to Babylon:
Jeconiah was the father of Shealtiel,
Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel,
13Zerubbabel the father of Abiud,
Abiud the father of Eliakim,
Eliakim the father of Azor,
14Azor the father of Zadok,
Zadok the father of Akim,
Akim the father of Eliud,
15Eliud the father of Eleazar,
Eleazar the father of Matthan,
Matthan the father of Jacob,
16and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

February 19, 2009 at 10:14 AM 

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