News-Herald Staff: Funny/Sad
Maybe that’s why this feels so profound. Elisa Gabbert makes two lists — one of things she finds funny, the other of things she finds sad.
Without the benefit (or hindrance) of context, we learn something about Gabbert. I’m not sure what, but something.
Coincidentally, it has been awhile since I coaxed my coworkers into writing redactive poetry.
So, in the spirit of newsroom cooperation and creative exploration, I present The News-Herald Funny/Sad lists.
Things that are funny:
Richard Pryor. Delonte West YouTube freestyle sessions. A Different World. Grandparents. Horace Grant’s goggles. Sherman Alexie. Actors when they play themselves.
Things that are sad:
Three-legged puppies. Darryl Strawberry. People who peak in high school. Infanticide. The Trix rabbit. Delonte West firearm charges. Richard Pryor.
Nose blowing. My dog, Lakota. Sneeze attacks. Conan O’Brien. My friend, Shawn McKinley. British curse words. My grandma. My shadow-boxing neighbor. 80s hair bands. Brat Pack movies. Daffy Duck. Stirrup pants.
Lonely people. Abused animals. Nursing homes. Poverty. Hospice. Outcast children. Obesity. Mourning widowers. Dilapidated buildings. Genocide. Balloons stuck to ceilings. Burned out wicks.
Coming to America. Sports talk radio. Co-workers. The burp chorus my cousins can perform. Ron Artest post-game interviews. ARRA fund recipients who deny being ARRA fund recipients. Chapelle Show reruns. Public Enemy’s “Cold Lampin’ With Flavor.” Off-target PR pitches for coverage.
Off-target PR pitches for coverage. Our fascination with crap like Jersey Shore. Giving money to an auto shop. The inability to accept change. Youth sports coaches who devise tactics to benefit themselves more than the children who suit up. Twenty-somethings who can’t seem to grow up. A depleted marriage that was once a union of two people you love and admire.
Dave Chapelle. South Park. Really bad TV broadcasters. Water balloons. My roommate’s dog. My nephews. My oldest brother. Mother Goose & Grimm comic. Cheryl and Danielle’s pranks. Robin’s attempt at pranks. The plot of Zoolander. The fact that there will be a Zoolander 2. My childhood. The pitchfork story. The truck into the garage story. Sh*t My Dads Says. Columnist Dave Barry.
The state of newspapers. The departure of Tom Brokaw. Cold rain. The Lovely Bones. Child predators. Leniency toward career criminals. Covering the crime beat. Writing about crime/disasters involving children. The Cleveland Browns. The playing ability of any Browns quarterback. Watching the Steelers beat the Browns (almost always). Onions. The mullet hairstyle.*
*Could also be funny.
Larry David. David Sedaris. Amy Sedaris. Jason Lea. My kids. My dad ripping his pants while chasing people who T-pee’d my house in high school. Strangers with Candy. Beavis and Butthead. Snoop Dogg’s TomTom directions. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Seinfeld.
People who brag. People who take Little League too seriously. Turning 40. The scene in Brokeback Mountain with the shirt. Hoarders. Me at 16. When my kids would rather play with their friends than me. Living paycheck to paycheck. People not buying newspapers anymore. Moms who judge other moms.
Both Airplane! movies, otters, South Park, the Jesus twitter page, Monty Python, comedian Emo Phillips, Mystery Science Theater 3000, very drunk people, Tosh.0
Cleveland pro sports teams, that anti animal cruelty commercial with the mournful soundtrack and the dog looking pathetically from inside the cage, “Everybody Hurts” by REM, dead animals on the side of the road who had just enough strength left to rest their heads on their paws, homeless people in plain sight
Random acts of people I know falling to the ground. The Hangover. The sasquatch from the Jack Link’s Beef Jerky commercials. Johnny Test. My son who believed me when I told him there was an elephant in grandma’s basement. Vintage Louie Anderson. South Park. Stephen King – On Writing, the book made me laugh unexpectedly. Overheard in the Newsroom on Facebook. Phone conversations with my mom.
Jock and Mackenzie, my Scottish Terriers that died. Atonement. Medical bills. Sirius Black’s death in the Harry Potter series. P.S. I love you. Doggy Heaven.com. My Dog Skip -- last 15 minutes. Stories of child abuse. The Holocaust. Eight Below. Daycare payments.
My three-legged cat Muppet. Three Amigos. Shared childhood memories. Grandmas. Safely falling in private. ‘70s high school yearbook hairstyles. Spoken words accidentally merged. Unicorns.
Weight gain. False impressions. Roadkill. Illiteracy. Teenagers without role models. 9 to 5. Native American history. My three-legged cat Muppet.
-Jason Lea, JLea@News-Herald.com